The Wizard of somethingbeginningwithO
by Toa Karou
Summary: TF x Wizard of Oz. Nothing else to say about this, really.


Okay, I have no idea where this came from. It's complete crack. But I haven't actually read the story for years, so I'm just cutting it short.

Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers, The Wizard of Oz or any of the names listed below.

* * *

Once upon a time, there lived a youngling femme named Bumblebee.

Bumblebee: Wait, why am I a femme?

Just go with it. Anyway, she lived with her pet dog Ironhide.

Ironhide: WHAT THE FRAG!? I ain't nobody's pet dog!

… (tapes masking tape over Ironhide's mouth)

Ironhide: MMMMMPH!!!

Right. One day, a hurricane blew and Bumblebee's house was picked up and tossed to a far away land! And it lands with a muffled "OWWWWW!!!!"

Bumblebee: That wasn't very muffled.

… And it lands with a muffled ear-piercing "OWWWWW!!!!"

Ironhide: (rips off masking tape) That sounded like Prowl.

You. The dog. Shut up. (points giant cannon at Ironhide.)

Ironhide: Hey, that's MINE!

Not anymore. (twirls cannon around)

Ironhide: Grrr...

When Bumblebee emerged from the house, she saw a group of Mini-cons gathered around her.

Bumblebee: How is it that the house is still intact?

Mini-cons: (insert beeping)

Bumblebee and Ironhide: ????

Highwire: You saved us.

Bumblebee: From what?

Highwire: Evil Wicked Witch. Reports.

Prowl: (muffled) HEY!

Highwire: Thank you.

Ironhide: Eh, at least there won't be paperwork.

Dog's don't talk.

Ironhide: …

Bumblebee: So, erm, do you know how to get back to... (glances at script) Kan-sas?

Highwire: No.

Bumblebee: Ah well, according to this poorly-written script, at least I can take Prowl's-

*Ahem *

Bumblebee: -the Wicked Witch's shoes. (puts the 'shoes' on)

Prowl: (muffled) MY FEET!!!

Highwire: Follow. Yellow Brick Road. Find Wizard of Oz.

Ironhide: How can there be bricks on Cybertron? There's no soil on Cybertron!

Shut it. Bumblebee and her obnoxious dog then set off on a journey of epic proportions! To find the Wizard of Oz!

Jazz: Hey, someone get me down from here!

Bumblebee: What was that?

Ironhide: Eh, must be Jazz as the brainless scarecrow.

The duo continues walking.

Jazz: HEY!!!! I'll start singing High School Musical songs!

Bumblebee: ALRIGHT! We'll help you! (gets Jazz off a stick) Primus, you're heavy!

Jazz: Hey, thanks little femme! May I follow you on your journey to whereever you're going?

Bumblebee: Sure!

Ironhide: Just don't sing. Please.

Jazz: Fine. Anyway, where are you 2 going on a not-so-fine day like this? (points at overcast sky with lightning in the distance)

Bumblebee: We're off to see the Wizard of ODEX!

Note: ODEX is the company in Singapore which distributes anime.

Jazz: The Wizard? Everyone knows that he- (is interrupted by the narrator)

The trio then continue their journey.

Jazz: You know what I want from the Wizard? I want a giant screen TV! And a killer surround sound system!

Ironhide: (mumbles) I think you need a brain most.

On their journey, they hear a faint cry coming from deep within a forest.

Ratchet: MY AFT ITCHES! SOMEONE HELP!

The trio goes in to investigate. There, they see the Tin Man AKA the Hatchet.

Ratchet: I'm going to ignore that. Anyway, can you help me scratch my aft? It itches so badly!

Ironhide: Fine. (scratches)

Ratchet: Ahhhhh.... yesss......

Ironhide: Bye.

The trio runs off.

Ratchet: HEY! COME BACK HERE!

A wrench comes flying towards Ironhide, knocking him out.

Bumblebee: What seems to be the problem, sir?

Ratchet: (points at huge mass of bubblegum sticking him to a tree trunk with his tongue) Slaggin' twins.

Jazz: Why are there even trees on Cybertron?

Can it, Scarecrow.

Ironhide: (wakes up) How did you even throw that wrench when you're stuck to the tree?

Ratchet: Don't ask.

Jazz: Yay! Gum! (licks up all the gum and starts chewing)

Bumblebee and Ratchet: EWWWWWW!!!!

Ratchet: Anyway, thanks kid. Allow me to follow you on your journey.

Bumblebee: Sure! We're going to see the Wizard of Ozzy Osborne!

Ratchet: The Wizard? Everyone knows he- (is interrupted by the narrator)

The 3 bots resume their journey to the Kingdom of Oz.

Ironhide: Hey, what do you mean 3? I'm a bot!

Ratchet: (throws another wrench at Ironhide)

Jazz: Where do you get all these wrenches?

Ratchet: Same place Prime's trailer goes.

Jazz: Ohhh...

Ironhide: (rubbing side of head) This guy really needs a spark.

The 3-

Ironhide: 4.

- 4 mismatched bots make their way towards Oz. Then they see a red and blue figure squatting under a tree.

Optimus Prime: Spider... spider... spider...

Bumblebee: Prime? What's wrong?

Optimus Prime: Spider... SPIDER!!! (extends blade and slices a tiny spider cleanly in half)

Ratchet: Oh no! What has the lion done to you, poor spider? (picks up remains of spider)

Jazz: I knew this guy had issues, but MAN!

Optimus Prime: (glare)

Jazz: (shrinks away) Meep!

Ironhide: How can there even be spiders on Cybertron??

… Last warning, DOG.

Ironhide: (sulks)

Optimus Prime: So, little one, where are you going?

Bumblebee: We're going to see the Wizard of Oxymoron!

Optimus Prime: But everyone know the Wizard is... (sigh) I better go with you. Besides, I can't put my spark at ease when you're travelling with these 3.

So the... 5 bots make their way once again to the Kingdom of Oz. There, they are greeted by 2 guards.

Ratchet: You... You two...

Sideswipe: He looks mad, bro.

Sunstreaker: Oh gee, I wonder who's fault that is. (rolls optics)

Bumblebee: Guards, may we pass through? We wish to see the Wizard of Oranges.

Sideswipe: But the Wizard is- (mouth is covered by Sunstreaker)

Sunstreaker: Quiet! Don't spoil the surprise! Anyway, you may enter. But you must calibrate your optics to infra-red.

5 bots: FOR WHAT!?

Sideswipe: It's the rules.

Sunstreaker: Now, you may enter.

Ratchet: (passing the twins) You two. My office after all this.

Twins: (gulp)

As the 5 bots stroll through the city, they marvel at the city's infra-redness.

Jazz: Wow, no wonder they call this the Infra-red City!

Ironhide: He definitely needs a brain.

In the middle of the city stands a giant tower.

Bumblebee: There! That must be where the Wizard of Omakes live!

The bots enter the tower, only to be greeted by a floating bathtub.

Bumblebee: Are you the Wizard of Oxes?

The bathtub turns to look at Bumblebee.

Wizard: Maybe.

Bumblebee: You're green.

Wizard: Side effect.

Bumblebee: … So... can you get me back to Kan-sas?

Wizard: No.

5 bots: WHAT!?

Wizard: You must first do something for me first before I may grant each of your ridiculous wishes.

Jazz: Oh come on, I've suffered enough with Ironhide!

Optimus Prime: …

Ironhide: Bark.

Ratchet: Why you... (throws wrench at holographic bathtub, but it passes through)

Wizard: You must defeat the other Wicked Witch.

Bumblebee: Where?

Wizard: Here.

A security guard shoves Ultra Magnus to the front.

Ultra Magnus: (still holding a stack of datapads containing reports) Huh?

Optimus Prime: PAPERWORK!!! GET HIM!!!!

The 5 bots leap onto Ultra Magnus and disassembles his armour.

Ultra Magnus: AHHH!!!! I'm naked!!!

Optimus Prime: You look like me. You're not naked.

Ultra Magnus: Oh. Do you want a report on this, sir?

Optimus Prime: NOO!!!! PAPERWORK!!!!!!!!!

Ironhide: Eh...

Bumblebee: Okay, Wizard of Oreo. We've defeated the Wicked Witch. Now can you get me back to Kan-sas?

Wizard: No.

5 bots: WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?

The impact of the soundwaves triggered an explosion, causing the bathtub to flicker before a huge explosion blew the whole building to pieces. Among the wreckage was a trembling Wheeljack curled up into a ball.

Wheeljack: Don't hurt Wheeljack... Don't hurt Wheeljack...

Ironhide: Wheeljack. Figures.

Wheeljack: ALRIGHT! I'll help you all!

The stuff the bots get:

Jazz – Spaghetti

Jazz: Yay! Brains! (eats spaghetti)

Ratchet – A spark chamber

Ratchet: Just what I needed. Orns ago. (tosses in the general direction of a recently dug grave)

Optimus Prime – Pesticide spray

Optimus Prime: No more spiders... yess...

Ironhide – A muzzle and a leash

Ironhide: ….............

Bumblebee – A passport

Bumblebee: Thanks Wizard of Oinks! Now I can return to Kan-sas!

Bumblebee then boards a conveniently-placed private jet and takes off for Kansas.

THE END

Ironhide: … Hey! What about me!!!!

Ratchet: (throws Jazz at Ironhide)

* * *

As I said, it makes no sense.

Please review if possible! All reviews will go to my non-existant Gunpla fund!


End file.
